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Ponderings, February 2025

Writer's picture: Wendy WeissWendy Weiss

For the past six months, maybe more, I have retreated from just about everything I've been involved in, including writing. An inner reorganization has been bringing new sight, direction, and resolve in me. Honestly, it's been agonizing at times, even as I equally committed to and yielded into the swirling currents that seemingly held me from flowing into new places of revelation. I was being asked to stay with, deepen, dive under the known as a way to the unseen. The mundane portals that allow connection beyond and within. It has been a pulsing stripping away, layer after layer.

 

Biodynamics knows this terrain, as do many other observations, as the void. I've been listening on repeat every chance I get to doctor of osteopathy James Jealous' lecture on the fluid body. I'm caught up in his words and where they point as much as I've ever been captured by recordings of Jack Kerouac's Old Angel Midnight. We find our way, we navigate the void in metaphors and poetry and unfolding mystery that make no sense, but we feel it as true.

 

At one point in the lecture, James Jealous says: "This is a very hard sentence to understand. (long pause) But I mean it." I nod with visceral recognition of that which I have little hope of conceptualizing. In this spacious density of the void, orientation is felt-sense. We can only hope and pray that that is enough. James Jealous' emphatic words, "I don't know what I would do if I was hearing this for the first time. I would just pray..." I feel the toroidal pull of that word. Pray. The arc of it in my body.

 

Because that's what I've been doing. (long pause) And I mean it.

 

So the cycles ebb and flow, seasons brighten and fade, and even the void changes in tone as I release into it and it releases me. And there's a Truth here. That even in the farthest reaches of feeling lost to all I've ever claimed to know, the undulations of Wholeness have abided in me. The Beloved has been alongside this whole time. And that's true for everyone of us, whether we can see it or not.

 

It is an utter wash of humility to say this here, to experience it so far behind myself I'm not sure if it's just an echo, merely a footprint of what might have been. Dr. Jealous reminds us that there is no less power in the system when the organism experiences dis-ease; I understand from his words it's the access to power that is diminished. He guides us to look for the footprint of what was once there. And I can't explain at all what that really means. I have to sink back into the disposition and the principles of this work to experience what it might. The fundamentals. The mundane practice of staying in neutral and not getting swept up in phenomenology (the spiritual bells and whistles that "prove" we're onto something).

 

Something happens alright. It almost always does. And that's when and where our biodynamic intensives bring us to move in stillness. "Don't leave here to go there," Giorgia Milne repeats as mantra. And it's a countercurrent (and counterculture) impulse that must be learned and relearned and doubted and trusted all in a passing moment as we ourselves are reorganized in it. Dynamic as the river. Vast as the ocean.

 

"Every drop knows the tide," says William Sutherland, and I am but a drop. And I pray that my awareness of at least this holds steady in all my human limitation and inadequacy in the greater field as I steadfastly return to greater depths of being. For there is the eternal and the infinite that is here as well.

 

Thank you for reading this if you have made it to this point. I did want to share with you some of what has formed and informed in really the past three or four days. I hope to connect with you in some way here or there soon. Please hear and feel the sincerity of my heart in this work and my being of service through it. I am in the place I have dreamed to be -- free to offer it in a spirit of generosity and receive greater riches from the realms of "when two or more are gathered." Feel the pulse, follow the impulse and reach out. I'd love to hear from you!

 

Much love, many blessings!

Wendy

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